Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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