I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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