just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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