He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize