i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
