Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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