i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
