you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
