he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
