Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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