best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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