How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
