It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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