Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
