Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize