Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
