did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
