Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
