I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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