I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
