i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have tasted many bathrooms
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
