So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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