I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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