Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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