I hate all girls vehemently.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
