Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
