Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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