does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
