we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
