i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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