Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
