Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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