$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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