Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
