Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
