I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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