His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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