I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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