Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
