i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
