Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
