Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
