Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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