I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
