Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
