how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We are all done wearing pants today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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