eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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