Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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