I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
