Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
