Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
did i walk over a car last night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
