I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
