So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
