Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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