I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
