I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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