i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
