Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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