angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
