ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
