Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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