just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
