We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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