I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
