You're completely useless in the revolution.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
