Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
